If you look up the typical signs of autism in a toddler, my son doesn’t really fit the bill. He’s has had no language delays. No intellectual dysfunction. He makes eye contact with no problem, uses his imagination to tell me creative stories and is at least somewhat social. He’s always responded to his name, smiled when you smile at him… Fuck, he doesn’t even toe walk…

What he does do is line up his toys, stack them up, organize, reorganize..He is sensory seeking, rolling and bouncing and rocking and hitting himself into and onto my body, the couch, the walls. He’s eaten the same thing for dinner for the past year and half or so. He went though a period where we had to be very careful in what textures he ate, how fast he ate, if he chewed well enough… Or he would gag and vomit. He runs and hand flaps whilst pooping. He hand flaps and makes other happy gestures when he’s excited. He “puts water in nose, eyes, ears”… Finger to mouth, finger to nose. Finger to mouth, finger to eye. Finger to mouth, finger to ear. Over and over.

The most telling sign of all, I’m my opinion, is his extreme demand avoidance. His equalizing behavior when stressed out. How contrary he can be…

Despite all of these things, most people (even autism “experts”) see him as neurotypical…. Listen to how well he speaks, oh and he’s so sweet and creative and social and and and…

I am fairly certain that I am undiagnosed autistic. I went under the radar my whole life and the consequences have been dire. I’m not willing to let that happen to me child.

Finding appropriate and affordable help should not be so damn difficult.