This morning I woke struggling to breathe, suffocating under a cloud of panic.

I was dreaming that there was a tiny kitten, like smaller then a mouse tiny, running around my house and my cats were trying to kill it. I was panicking in the dream so waking in a state of panic seems appropriate, except that I wasn’t panicking about the kitten. I went straight from dream panic to wide awake with the thought that we need to get gas masks, followed by the need to be prepared in other ways. Given recent events, I’m not surprised that the need to feel prepared was at the forefront of my subconscious.

All of this quickly translated into guilt. How could I bring my son into this world when it’s falling apart? I don’t mean to be all doom and gloom. My beliefs actually aren’t but this is once again bringing up the subject of balance for me.

I’m struggling to find balance in my personal life, especially in the area of being a mom and healing. Like I said, while the world does feel unsafe and we do need to face those things at the root head on, my personal beliefs are filled with faith and hope. How do we find balance in this current culture? How do we know how to best prepare our children for the world we live in? How do we hold hope in the midst of chaos without totally going under?