PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) mom rant incoming…

When my son and I wake up each morning, we spend some time in bed, cuddling and talking, before we get up to start the day. This morning, I mentioned that today was going to be cooler. My son’s immediate response, “no, it isn’t”. I started to explain a bit but was again hit with immediate denial and a bit of emotion.

“Ok, baby. I thought it was but I guess I was wrong.”

Period. End of conversation.

We go upstairs and my mom mentions the weather.

“It isn’t cold” Anger. Panic.

Grandma proceeds to push.

“Alright Mom, drop it.”

She knows he is PDA. She understands what this means. She continues to push. She needs to be right. It is in fact cool outside.

I snap and yell at her.

Why are we arguing with a four year old, period. A four year old with a nervous system disability….

PDA isn’t easy for caregivers but… It’s much harder for the child experiencing it. Every choice we make as caregivers either activates his nervous system or accommodates it, helps him to regulate. He doesn’t get a choice. He is just constantly in fight or flight.

There are decisions that are difficult to make. When and how often to push for him to take a bath, change his clothes, try a new food… But this… This was not one of them.

It is cool outside. I know this. My mom knows this. Accommodating a four year old with a nervous system disability by stating they opposite? Not a big deal.

I really hate living with other people.